How This Blog Came to Be

So, some of you know what is happening in my personal life, and some of you don't. I only mentioned here that I was facing a couple of crisis that many people face. One crisis is of a universal nature, the other, Shakespearean.

I think I'm ready now to tell what I've been through. I'm not free and clear, but I am emerging from the other side. In 2007 I lost my job as a retail manager when the store I managed closed. That was fine because it coincided with my finishing my master's degree in Mass Communications. It was no great loss. However, as the economy declined under our idiotic leader Bush Jr. I found myself made redundant again. Yes, last January I was laid off as a copy editor at a newspaper, my first post-grad job. Newspapers in general are suffering and mine was in particular. What made it especially harsh was that I had wished I could've quit before being laid off since I didn't care for the place. But it hardly matters now. That particular crisis has passed. The job I have now is at a place I've been working toward for about 2 years. I love the work. It's never dull or repetitive and the people are lovely. The atmosphere is positive and it's a nonprofit. We make the world better through our presence. That's the best I can ask. It's a dream realized. I don't make a lot of money but I do good. Last year I thought my ideals were foolish. I was thinking,  "I am foolish to hope to make a difference in the world. Perhaps the real world isn't like that." Now I'm glad I didn't give up all of my idealism. In small ways we can make the world better.

This blog came into being while I was laid off. My then fiance suggested it as a way to keep myself busy and positive and in touch with people while I was job hunting. I thank him for that encouragement because it gave me an audience to be accountable to when all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and succumb to depression and reruns of Becker.  

Then, while I was down, things got worse. I was supposed to get married March 6 of this year. It remained the bright spot in my life after losing my job. But it didn't happen. My fiance decided that he couldn't do it. My mother recently told me she couldn't figure it out. I told her not to try, because after living with the man for roughly 2 years, I still couldn't figure out what was really going on. In the end, the love of my life and I parted ways. I admit, I do hope he will return to me. I also realize now that if he doesn't, I will survive. I experienced the dark night of the soul and I've come through. I love him. I want him. I would gladly have children with him. I once felt as though I couldn't breathe without him, but I did continue to breathe. Now, breathing is easier. I realize life goes on. I did live. I will live. I guess that my wish now is that if someone is going through what I have gone through, to lose and regain a livelihood and lose the person you love and survive, I guess my wish is that they find my blog and find some hope. It will be OK. You can go through Hades and come out the other side. You can drown and breathe again. And if you don't believe that, email me. I'll talk you through.

*Image from Watkins Glen State Park, photographed by Cherie Stull